2012 Apocalypse Ponies

Well, 12/21/12 came and went.  And according to some historians it already came and went awhile ago since modern calendars are apparently way off.  Most blame the Mayans for this prediction of the end of the world.  But the Mayans never did predict the end of the world.

Yay history!

Most people wonder what the apocalypse would have entailed since details were lacking.  Some say the poles would reverse, destroy all satellites, cause continental shift ect, ect.  Others say a rogue planet would hit the earth, not unlike Lars von Treir's Melancholia.

:cough:Unnecessary friesian at (1:28):cough:

 Still others have a firm belief that humans will die due to their own hubris, from messing with the world and altering it with chemicals and science.  I'm, of course, talking about the most poetic of all Apocalypse Scenarios.  The ZOMBIE Apocalypse.

The Walking Dead is n(e)igh!

I even have a book on my shelf in case of such a reanimated former-human emergency.  The Zombie Survival Guide.  While the plan of "Going to the Winchester, having a pint, and waiting till the whole thing blows over" is a really good idea, this goes in depth if you don't live in Britain where bars are more sturdy against the undead.

For instance, it has horses in the chapter on transportation.  Horses would be beneficial in the apocalypse since they don't need gas to run and act as an early warning system against the shambling hoards.  However, they lack self-defense.

Or you can do what Sarah did with Uther on Youtube and clicker train your horse to not only make an escape.  But take out as many walkers as possible on the way!

Had the zombie apocalypse happened, we like to think they had a good chance of survival.

Artist's interpretation

Had the positive reinforcement not failed...

Horses have been an integral part of the apocalypse in Judeo-Christian lore.  In the form of the four horses of the apocalypse.

Hasboro.  Why you no make real?
Even Seth Green has asked them to make Apocalypse Pony toys.

The 4 horses of the apocalypse have even shown up in video games.  Like Darksiders, where you play the horseman War and obtain his kick-rump steroid steed named Ruin. 

Awww...  It's like a rhino-pony-volcano abomination of awesome.

Even Red Dead Redemption decided to take their spin on the 4 horses.  During a zombie apocalypse in the alternate universe of Undead Nightmare.  Forget Cowboys and Aliens.  We have Cowboys and Zombies!  There are even normal horses turned into zombies in this game and the decaying, yet at the same time accurate, anatomy accomplished on them is outstanding.  They have accurate teeth (with canines) and proper neck vertebrae placement.

 Out of the 4 horses, Pestilance has a swarm of lucusts that... don't really do anything, and a high pain threshold.  While Famine has the power of ocular bleeding... and infinite stamina.  Both of them are 'eh' since ALL of the 4 horses technically have a 'high pain threshold" by being practically immortal and all have an infinite stamina bar.  But War is on fire, and Death explodes zombie heads on impact.  You can guess which ones most people ride in the game.

Happy 14th Baktun!  Enjoy the world until the next apocalypse.  I'm off to play some Red Dead Redemption Undead Nightmare!

Unicorn April Fools

So it is April first and I have an interesting product, and a product update, from the wonderful nerdlings at ThinkGeek.

Ever watch a horse movie or game and have something so wrong, so sappy and so annoying happen that you wish there was brain bleach?

Pegasus isn't a black Friesian!

 This isn't the story of Black Beauty, its 7 smaller horrible movies tied together by the same horse in every background shot.

 Dressage horses don't tölt!

 34 hours of my life I will never get back!  What?  I need to play it again to get video footage for a review?  And the new updates got rid of rainbows giving free money?  *&#^@#!!!

Well, ThinkGeek has a solution to that.  Just take Unicorn Chaser and it will make the world full of double rainbows.  That give you money.

 

 ~~~

And in other news.  Remember Canned Unicorn Meat?

   

Yay for parody laws.

Also conspiracy theorists believe Barbaro is still alive. :P

War Horse more updates... um... again

Creative title I know.

So the voice recording for the War Horse Play Retrospective is all done!  And a got a new video editor for the holidays.  Bring on the learning curve!  A fun fact is I got Adobe Premier Pro and one release of this software had a horse on the box cover.  That gives it extra points for coolness right there. 

It's the little things people. 

It's a whole lot more in depth than Windows Movie Maker.  I'm suspecting the video to take longer to create than desired.  So while I attempt to unravel the crazy complicated features of this new software I give you a Mo preview of baby Joey.

Not a kangaroo. Kinda colored like one though.

 So on the subject of War Horse, the movie is out and I will be seeing it with family and friends hopefully some time this week.  It's had wonderful reviews across the board so I'm excited.

In the mean time Heather/Beautygirl1510 sent over a video including 3 things that I never thought would be together. Bad Horse's right hand man himself Neil Patrick Harris/Dr. Horrible, an Equus reference, and Joey the War Horse puppet.  Check out all the Tony awards!

If embedded video doesn't work click here 

Horses in Song

It happens. You're doing something else with radio on in the background, not really focusing on anything, and then BAM! Some voice says something about horses and your ears automatically start paying attention. It's really amusing when this happens in a college dorm full of equine majors.

Why is this? If it happens to you, I'm sorry. It means you're a Horse Person. (The condition of HP is not to be confused with the condition of Harry Potterhead, plaguing fans of a book series by J.K. Rowling.)

It is a condition with no known cure, no 12 step program. But don't start making arrangements for the men in white coats yet. It can be managed, and you've likely already been living with it for years.

We can contact your therapist and MD later. This post is about horse songs!

Yes. Horse songs. And I don't mean songs particularly about horse, but even songs that just have a line or two. I've been subconsciously taking note of these and now I get to share them with you guys.

~~~

Wild Horses sung by Natasha Bedingfield

Equines running wild and untamed have always been a powerful image of freedom. Although I don't think wild donkeys have gotten the same romanticized treatment as their horsey counterparts. Usually horses are running so they don't get eaten, but the pretty imagery is still there.

~~~

A Horse Called Golgotha by Baroness.

And now for something completely different... If you aren't a fan of metal, just don't click and skip ahead to the next song.

WSTopDeck shared this song with me. Blame her.



Although from what I can tell the Baroness are a bunch of dudes. But so is the band Bare Naked Ladies, so I digress. What does this have to do with a horse and why are they named Golgotha? Well, here are the lyrics I could find in case you don't speak heavy metal.

Call the boy
He's down the hallow
Cull the tide
Distill the rye

Now it's time for medication
Stallions on the eiderdown

The stained horizon
Ablaze with revolvers
Stampedes and bridles

Exorcise the family demons
Stallions on the eilderdown

The stained horizon
Of the dark rein and rider
The steed named Golgotha

That actually sounds like a really pretty poem. It also sounds like a bunch of Vikings are about to mess someone up, but dang are they going to ride in style doing it.

~~~

Dog Days by Florence and the Machine

This one got some top 40 playtime on the radio and they are becoming one of my favorite bands. The horse line starts at 1:00.



Instead of wanting to emulate wild horses like the first song, you better run from them. Yes the music video has no ponies and instead has some blue Snookie smurfs (I swear one of them looks like Quinn from Glee). But if you like this song check out their other stuff, it won't disappoint.

~~~

Dark Horses by Switchfoot

I first heard this next song on TV. It was late, insomnia was looming, and Conan O'Brian was on after whatever I was watching before it. The term dark horse has to do with being a little known underdog. The origins of the term are rooted to horse racing. It counts! XD



I listened to Switchfoot a little when I was in high school and dang it if I don't love this song now.

~~~

Yellow Horse by Cowboy Racer

This one shouldn't be too weird if you've lasted this long... Scratch that it's still going to be weird. The pony in the video is cute. Blame goes to Beautygirl1510 for sharing this on her iPod when we drove to the tack store one day. Fitting name and their first single. It's catchy.



If Mr. Ed ever gets a modern makeover I'm pretty dang sure this will be the new opening theme.

~~~

Electric Twist by A Fine Frenzy

This next one is probably my favorite of the bunch. It's just fun!



And it kicks like a pony.

More Sims 3 Pets Demo and Youtube Roundup!

Ok, I'm just going to stop planning what I'm posting. Otherwise it's going to make me a liar when I end up posting something completely different. XD

Without further delay the My Little Pony Friendship is Magic Sim ponies! Had to do a bit of tweaking with the markings options, but for what was available I'm glad I could get them this close. Controlling precise marking locations in the pet maker is a sketchy and hard to control when the markings get tiny. I'm thinking it will only be a matter of time before the MLP fan masses create Sim modifications to make horses exactly like the cartoon.

Rainbow Dash

Applejack


Pinkie Pie

Twilight Sparkle

Rarity


Fluttershy


Dr. Whooves!

I also fiddled around with the breeding options in the demo. If you're looking for genetic accuracy don't look here. It uses the blending inheritance theory. A long disproven belief held in the 19th century that offspring are a resulting mishmash of mom and dad. Dominants and recessives be darned!

Behold, a puggle.

It's totally understandable that this game would use this method of making offspring. You can make completely unrealistic colors and markings. What would the inheritance of a lightning-rainbow-cloud marking be anyway? And the color purple. Is it recessive, or the result of the blue modifier working on a red-based coat? Are teal and green eye color co-dominant?

Confused yet? Yah, accurate genetics would fail in this uber-customizable setting.

That said I performed something blasphemous and attempted a breeding between Rainbow Dash and Dr. Whooves. It illustrates the game mechanics of inheritance fairly well. The first offspring looked like a pretty even split of both parents, while the second looked exactly like rainbow Dash but inherited the Dr.'s eyes. So the degree of how mixed the offspring become varies.




Sims 3 Pets also has had a whole bunch of commercials for it recently. Some of them are exclusive only to the internet. Do you know Randall? You might. Because honey badger don't care. (Language warning. Not that you guys who still watched the Equus Retrospective after being warned will care anyway).

The Sims got Randall to do a commercial for them explaining all the animals you can get by pre-ordering S3P. Sadly, no unique pre-order horse designs. Sigh. I wanted a robo pony.




Also how cute is this commercial tribute to the Old Spice guy for Dreamwork's Puss in Boots movie?




Also...



Cowboys and Equestrians
We have come full circle.

He's still on a Horse

He was going to be featured here eventually. If you've been watching any American commercials over the past year and are equine inclined, you probably know of the Old Spice Guy, A.K.A. The Man Your Man Can Smell Like. He's on a horse.

Old Spice has also had equines in their marketing before. The Centaur Man was used a few years ago but didn't leave as much of an impact.

Plus there's that whole, 'is it bestiality' thing with his human wife and other stuff we'd rather not think about.

So who is this Old Spice Guy? This man we want our men to totally smell like?

He is Isaiah Mustafa. Besides being Old Spice Guy, he is also a comic book fan and takes his daughter to California Comicon every year. So he gets extra kudos points from the land of geekdome. He is also a vegan so animal rights activists don't need to put him on a list or anything.

This Old Spice Guy marketing scheme has been very notable with Mr. Mustafa, and strangely it seems to be alcoholic drinks that are trying to steal the thunder. Would be interesting to have a meeting of The Old Spice Guy, the Dos Eques Most Interesting Man In The World and Key Stone's Keith Stone. Old Spice Guy and Dos Eques Have Keith beat in equestrian ability though.



I say there should be a jousting part of said made up tournament. Old Spice Guy would probably ride backwards, Most Interesting Man possibly using ninja fencing techniques while doing dressage yoga. It shall be an epic battle my friends.

I'm On A Horse, has become a catch phrase for the Old Spice brand and they sell merchandise with it.



The original commercial has even been parodied with Grover from Sesame Street!

If you didn't at least get a smile from this yours may be a hardened dark soul.

Recently there has been a brouhaha about the latest Old Spice commercials including that face on every bodice ripper novel of the 80s and 90's, Fabio. In commercial land he apparently wants to take over as the new Old Spice Guy. The gauntlet has been thrown.

"Mine is a horse."

This has caused an uproar in the online community. What about Isaiah? Will we have to stare at Fabio now? Please no! The horror! However, that commotion seems to be the plan of the company. Isaiah is still employed with Old Spice and they admit to having more plans for him. This seems to be a ploy to get more people interested in the products and specifically the actor who is most closely associated with them in the public mind. Check out the outcry on the Old Spice YouTube page. People are pissed.

Why is there so much of a hubbub about all this? Honestly, the Old Spice Guy commercials are amusing even if they get over the top. And the actor himself is relatable as a person. He seems like an honestly nice guy, check the interview.

This combination had caused the public to like Old Spice Guy on multiple levels. Those who are attracted to him because he is attractive, equestrians because he's on a horse, and geeks around the world for he is one of their own. Plus these commercials are more entertaining than the "use our product and random people will sleep with you instantly" tactic.

... I'm looking at you Axe (Smell Like a Chemical Bath) Body Spray.